{"id":1445,"date":"2013-03-16T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/35.224.237.165\/index.php\/2019\/02\/25\/us-news-ranked-us-3-for-a-reason-heres-how-to-pee-and-poop-at-the-same-time\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T04:57:30","modified_gmt":"2019-02-25T21:57:30","slug":"us-news-ranked-us-3-for-a-reason-heres-how-to-pee-and-poop-at-the-same-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/16\/us-news-ranked-us-3-for-a-reason-heres-how-to-pee-and-poop-at-the-same-time\/","title":{"rendered":"US News Ranked Us #3 For a Reason: Here&#8217;s How to Pee and Poop at the Same Time"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img src=\"https:\/\/shadybucket.s3.amazonaws.com\/images\/toilet.width-1280.jpg\" alt=\" \" \/><\/p>\n<h6>By <a href=\"\/search?author=David North\">David North<\/a><\/h6>\n<h6>Sept. 24, 2018<\/h6>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>This year, in their annual college rankings, U.S. News awarded the University of Chicago a seven-way tie for third-best university. The University of Chicago consistently tops these college rankings for a reason: we can pee and poop at the same time. But trust us, it wasn\u2019t easy. I didn\u2019t know how to pee and poop at the same time myself when I first got here. But now I&#8217;ve learned, and I\u2019m here to help.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>If you already know how to pee and you already know how to poop, then you\u2019re ready to do both at the same time. Let\u2019s review. To pee, you have to squeeze the front butt. To poop, you gotta honk the back butt. Is peeing and pooping at the same time as easy as squeezing the front butt while you honk the back butt? I wish.<\/p>\n<p>To pee and poop at the same time, you have to clench your third butt. I bet you didn\u2019t even know about the third butt! That\u2019s cool &#8211; I didn&#8217;t either when I was a first-year. It\u2019s up the back butt and around the corner. Or three lefts and a right from the front butt. Yup. That\u2019s it right there. Get up in there and clench it. Did you pee and poop at the same time? Good. That means you\u2019re ready for Classics of Social and Political Thought.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By David North Sept. 24, 2018 \u00a0 This year, in their annual college rankings, U.S. News awarded the University of Chicago a seven-way tie for third-best university. The University of Chicago consistently tops these college rankings for a reason: we can pee and poop at the same time. But trust us, it wasn\u2019t easy. I didn\u2019t know how to pee and poop at the same time myself when I first got here. But now I&#8217;ve learned, and I\u2019m here to help.\u00a0 If you already know how to pee and you already know how to poop, then you\u2019re ready to do both at the same time. Let\u2019s review. To pee, you have to squeeze the front butt. To poop, you gotta honk the back butt. Is peeing and pooping at the same time as easy as squeezing the front butt while you honk the back butt? I wish. To pee and poop at the same time, you have to clench your third butt. I bet you didn\u2019t even know about the third butt! That\u2019s cool &#8211; I didn&#8217;t either when I was a first-year. It\u2019s up the back butt and around the corner. Or three lefts and a right from the front butt. Yup. That\u2019s it right there. Get up in there and clench it. Did you pee and poop at the same time? Good. That means you\u2019re ready for Classics of Social and Political Thought.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1445"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1445"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1445\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2478,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1445\/revisions\/2478"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}