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In a letter distributed to incoming first-years, the University of Chicago announced new penalties for students caught streaming pornography on university internet connections. The letter signed by Dean of Students John \u201cJay\u201d Ellison called porn an \u201cinappropriate use of school resources.\u201d<\/p>\n
The letter stated that any student caught watching pornography would face harsh disciplinary proceedings in the Dean\u2019s office.<\/p>\n
Ellison\u2019s letter clarified which networks would constitute a breach of the new policy. \u201cStudents may not use uchicago-secure to stream illicit material and are reminded that their internet connection is associated with their UCID. Students are also prohibited from using uchicago and uchicago-guest networks to watch any sort of adult film. Finally, students may not utilize eduroam in the lonely hours of the dark, dark night because eduroam never fucking works.\u201d<\/p>\n
First-year student Alex Johnson was deeply disturbed by the news. \u201cWhen my RA told me that we couldn\u2019t watch porn on school Wi-Fi, I was pissed. Like, who are you, my mom?\u201d While Johnson\u2019s roommate expressed extreme relief after hearing of the pornography ban, Johnson announced his intention to buy a bigger data package. \u201cI\u2019ll go on LTE, 3G, 2G, 1x. That motherfucker can\u2019t stop me!\u201d<\/p>\n
The penalties for pornography use remained vague, but Ellison promised that no infraction would go unpunished. \u201cWe know who you are, and we will stop you in your tracks. That means no Pornhub, no Redtube, no xxxzimmerxxxohyeah.com. Not on my watch. And not on your Apple Watch either. Or your laptop. Or your phone. Or your roommate\u2019s laptop.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThink of me like Santa,\u201d Ellison\u2019s letter continued. \u201cI can see you when you\u2019re streaming. I know when you wank. I know if you\u2019ve been bad or good, so do not watch porn on university-provided internet connections.\u201d<\/p>\n
However, Ellison assured students that other forms of erotic material, including one\u2019s ACT scores, boarding schools, and the unversity’s free speech doctrine, were all fair game.<\/p>\n
Ellison concluded his letter by reflecting on the positive. \u201cIf young men are going to be exposed to the vilest forms of misogyny produced by the grotesque landscape that is the human brain, permanently damaging the social, physical, and emotional wellbeing of their female classmates, we want them to do it off-campus in their fraternity houses. Don\u2019t forget to rush!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Breck Radulovic Sept. 24, 2018 In a letter distributed to incoming first-years, the University of Chicago announced new penalties for students caught streaming pornography on university internet connections. The letter signed by Dean of Students John \u201cJay\u201d Ellison called porn an \u201cinappropriate use of school resources.\u201d The letter stated that any student caught watching pornography would face harsh disciplinary proceedings in the Dean\u2019s office. Ellison\u2019s letter clarified which networks would constitute a breach of the new policy. \u201cStudents may not use uchicago-secure to stream illicit material and are reminded that their internet connection is associated with their UCID. Students are also prohibited from using uchicago and uchicago-guest networks to watch any sort of adult film. Finally, students may not utilize eduroam in the lonely hours of the dark, dark night because eduroam never fucking works.\u201d First-year student Alex Johnson was deeply disturbed by the news. \u201cWhen my RA told me that we couldn\u2019t watch porn on school Wi-Fi, I was pissed. Like, who are you, my mom?\u201d While Johnson\u2019s roommate expressed extreme relief after hearing of the pornography ban, Johnson announced his intention to buy a bigger data package. \u201cI\u2019ll go on LTE, 3G, 2G, 1x. That motherfucker can\u2019t stop me!\u201d The penalties for pornography use remained vague, but Ellison promised that no infraction would go unpunished. \u201cWe know who you are, and we will stop you in your tracks. That means no Pornhub, no Redtube, no xxxzimmerxxxohyeah.com. Not on my watch. And not on your Apple Watch either. Or your laptop. Or your phone. Or your roommate\u2019s laptop.\u201d \u201cThink of me like Santa,\u201d Ellison\u2019s letter continued. \u201cI can see you when you\u2019re streaming. I know when you wank. I know if you\u2019ve been bad or good, so do not watch porn on university-provided internet connections.\u201d However, Ellison assured students that other forms of erotic material, including one\u2019s ACT scores, boarding schools, and the unversity’s free speech doctrine, were all fair game. Ellison concluded his letter by reflecting on the positive. \u201cIf young men are going to be exposed to the vilest forms of misogyny produced by the grotesque landscape that is the human brain, permanently damaging the social, physical, and emotional wellbeing of their female classmates, we want them to do it off-campus in their fraternity houses. Don\u2019t forget to rush!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1436"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1436"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1436\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2469,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1436\/revisions\/2469"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1436"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1436"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1436"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}