![\"](\"https:\/\/shadybucket.s3.amazonaws.com\/images\/rats.width-300.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
As autumn descends upon us and temperatures lower across the nation, animals of all shapes and sizes seek warmth and cover, collecting enough food to last them through the winter. But one particular group, native to the University of Chicago\u2019s Bartlett Dining Hall, has gone on a hunger strike until their demands are met.<\/p>\n
Indeed, the famed Bartlett Rats have unionized, inspired by the protest held earlier this month by UChicago grad students.
<\/br><\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re really just looking for more variety,\u201d said a brown-furred rodent who declined to give his name. \u201cNot just that Kraft Singles crap, but some Muenster, maybe some Stilton every once in a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re not picky,\u201d chimed in another, identifying herself as a member of The Swiss Army, a far-left group popular among small rodents. \u201cBut after years of hard work, seasoning the food with our feces, we feel like the so-called \u2018chefs\u2019 of the dining hall need to step it up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Since the hunger strike, student complaints about the dining hall\u2019s quality of food have skyrocketed. \u201cEveryone always joked that the Bartlett cuisine tasted like crap, but now it tastes even worse,\u201d remarked Saffron Van Hout, amateur food critic and Medieval Studies major. \u201cI really hope that the Bartlett Rats reach an agreement with the dining staff–I\u2019m not sure how long I\u2019ll be able to function on this pathetic excuse of a Cordon Bleu.\u201d<\/p>\n
After declining an offer to interview for the Dealer<\/i>, the dining hall put out an official statement, stating that \u201cWhile the dining hall is devoted to the University\u2019s message of diversity and inclusion, along with an encouragement of public discourse, we ask that the protestors end their hunger strike immediately. To insinuate that our dining hall provides nothing short of culinary excellence is heresy, and until these rats start paying tuition, we refuse to uphold their single demand of serving better food.\u201d<\/p>\n
Despite being hospitalized for malnourishment, the leader of the strike had plenty to say in response. \u201cFuck \u2018em,\u201d said Alistair Cheesely, a lifetime Civil Rats activist and senior citizen from the South Side. \u201cIn my day, discrimination was as common as an undercooked omelette, but we at least had a decent food supply,\u201d rasped Cheesely, as the nurse put in a fresh line of half and half in his IV. \u201cUntil our demands are met, our protestors will continue our strike until we receive collective bargaining rights, benefits, and perhaps a dental plan.\u201d<\/p>\n
At the time of publication, the Bartlett Rats were last seen on the Quad picketing as an angry janitor chased the group around with a broom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Cameron Edgington Nov. 2, 2018 \u00a0 As autumn descends upon us and temperatures lower across the nation, animals of all shapes and sizes seek warmth and cover, collecting enough food to last them through the winter. But one particular group, native to the University of Chicago\u2019s Bartlett Dining Hall, has gone on a hunger strike until their demands are met. Indeed, the famed Bartlett Rats have unionized, inspired by the protest held earlier this month by UChicago grad students. \u201cWe\u2019re really just looking for more variety,\u201d said a brown-furred rodent who declined to give his name. \u201cNot just that Kraft Singles crap, but some Muenster, maybe some Stilton every once in a while.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re not picky,\u201d chimed in another, identifying herself as a member of The Swiss Army, a far-left group popular among small rodents. \u201cBut after years of hard work, seasoning the food with our feces, we feel like the so-called \u2018chefs\u2019 of the dining hall need to step it up.\u201d Since the hunger strike, student complaints about the dining hall\u2019s quality of food have skyrocketed. \u201cEveryone always joked that the Bartlett cuisine tasted like crap, but now it tastes even worse,\u201d remarked Saffron Van Hout, amateur food critic and Medieval Studies major. \u201cI really hope that the Bartlett Rats reach an agreement with the dining staff–I\u2019m not sure how long I\u2019ll be able to function on this pathetic excuse of a Cordon Bleu.\u201d After declining an offer to interview for the Dealer, the dining hall put out an official statement, stating that \u201cWhile the dining hall is devoted to the University\u2019s message of diversity and inclusion, along with an encouragement of public discourse, we ask that the protestors end their hunger strike immediately. To insinuate that our dining hall provides nothing short of culinary excellence is heresy, and until these rats start paying tuition, we refuse to uphold their single demand of serving better food.\u201d Despite being hospitalized for malnourishment, the leader of the strike had plenty to say in response. \u201cFuck \u2018em,\u201d said Alistair Cheesely, a lifetime Civil Rats activist and senior citizen from the South Side. \u201cIn my day, discrimination was as common as an undercooked omelette, but we at least had a decent food supply,\u201d rasped Cheesely, as the nurse put in a fresh line of half and half in his IV. \u201cUntil our demands are met, our protestors will continue our strike until we receive collective bargaining rights, benefits, and perhaps a dental plan.\u201d At the time of publication, the Bartlett Rats were last seen on the Quad picketing as an angry janitor chased the group around with a broom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1411"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1411"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1411\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2444,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1411\/revisions\/2444"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1411"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1411"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1411"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}