<\/p>\n
Ah yes, the shining moment in one of the best of Disney\u2019s nineties Golden Age films, a breaking down of\u00a0class barriers between rascally mutts and elegant Cocker Spaniels:\u00a0Lady and the Tramp<\/i>. The spaghetti noodle kiss is\u00a0one of the most well-known scenes of a Disney movie, or any movie in general.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Many a couple\u00a0have tried to replicate this with Instagram boomerangs, but alas, many make mistakes in the\u00a0search for that perfect couple pic.\u00a0Often, the noodle is accidentally bitten by one partner, ending the elegant, simultaneous slurp of\u00a0the two lovers. Other times, that little slippery sucker falls out of one significant other\u2019s mouth to\u00a0the floor. Occasionally, some couples don\u2019t get the memo that this must be an elongated slurpy\u00a0noodle, and try this move with tortellini or gnocchi. That\u2019s not how it fucking works! That just\u00a0makes the filling spill everywhere! Just sloppy and unprofessional. Shame on you.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Other times,\u00a0one lover may send the spaghetti back to the kitchen because it wasn\u2019t to their liking, in which\u00a0case, they probably also don\u2019t tip and deserve nothing but consternation and shame. On some occasions,\u00a0the entire plate of spaghetti spontaneously combusts in a ball of fiery doom as red as tomato\u00a0sauce. Despite this being a classic scene, I did feel it could be improved in\u00a0order to make this more replicable in the real world and acceptable to the masses. Why not use a\u00a0line of powdered cocaine instead of pasta? Schedule 1 drugs? More like Schedule FUN!\u00a0Schedule 2? More like Schedule \u201cWoo-Hoo!\u201d (Cue “Song 2” by Blur).\u00a0<\/p>\n
I know this might seem outlandish, but allow me to explain. Why not make it a romantic\u00a0activity? Couples love making breakfasts together (or just going to brunch for bottomless\u00a0mimosas), so why not have coke as a romantic wake-up meal? In Colombia, one can have tea\u00a0made with coca leaves as a nice wake-up buzz. I really hope they make coca leaf Keurig cups\u00a0one day! That\u2019d be mighty convenient, as powdered coke is not the most soluble in water. I\u00a0would try crack, but I can\u2019t find any car antennas to smoke it out of. This could be much fancier\u00a0and well-prepared, but one can make lines of coke ornate, romantic, and worth at least one Michelin star!\u00a0<\/p>\n
Some couples make their meals in fancy kitchens with fancy knives, utensils, and cutting boards.\u00a0All one (or a couple, or a unicorn hunter and a unicorn, if you\u2019re into that) needs for a delicious\u00a0powdered breakfast is a desk! As a wise man once sang, \u201cChop your breakfast on a mirror!\u201d I\u00a0haven\u2019t managed to find those eighties razors anywhere, so I just broke the foot off a neighbor\u2019s\u00a0garden gnome and have been using that. I don\u2019t remember doing that, but the gnome’s foot is there,\u00a0so I\u2019m just rolling with it. I also can\u2019t find any small hollow cylinders or dollar bills to inhale\u00a0with, so I\u2019ve just been using a leftover boba straw.\u00a0Maybe someday I will be able to share yay with bae.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Nico Aldape Dec. 5, 2018 Ah yes, the shining moment in one of the best of Disney\u2019s nineties Golden Age films, a breaking down of\u00a0class barriers between rascally mutts and elegant Cocker Spaniels:\u00a0Lady and the Tramp. The spaghetti noodle kiss is\u00a0one of the most well-known scenes of a Disney movie, or any movie in general.\u00a0 Many a couple\u00a0have tried to replicate this with Instagram boomerangs, but alas, many make mistakes in the\u00a0search for that perfect couple pic.\u00a0Often, the noodle is accidentally bitten by one partner, ending the elegant, simultaneous slurp of\u00a0the two lovers. Other times, that little slippery sucker falls out of one significant other\u2019s mouth to\u00a0the floor. Occasionally, some couples don\u2019t get the memo that this must be an elongated slurpy\u00a0noodle, and try this move with tortellini or gnocchi. That\u2019s not how it fucking works! That just\u00a0makes the filling spill everywhere! Just sloppy and unprofessional. Shame on you.\u00a0 Other times,\u00a0one lover may send the spaghetti back to the kitchen because it wasn\u2019t to their liking, in which\u00a0case, they probably also don\u2019t tip and deserve nothing but consternation and shame. On some occasions,\u00a0the entire plate of spaghetti spontaneously combusts in a ball of fiery doom as red as tomato\u00a0sauce. Despite this being a classic scene, I did feel it could be improved in\u00a0order to make this more replicable in the real world and acceptable to the masses. Why not use a\u00a0line of powdered cocaine instead of pasta? Schedule 1 drugs? More like Schedule FUN!\u00a0Schedule 2? More like Schedule \u201cWoo-Hoo!\u201d (Cue “Song 2” by Blur).\u00a0 I know this might seem outlandish, but allow me to explain. Why not make it a romantic\u00a0activity? Couples love making breakfasts together (or just going to brunch for bottomless\u00a0mimosas), so why not have coke as a romantic wake-up meal? In Colombia, one can have tea\u00a0made with coca leaves as a nice wake-up buzz. I really hope they make coca leaf Keurig cups\u00a0one day! That\u2019d be mighty convenient, as powdered coke is not the most soluble in water. I\u00a0would try crack, but I can\u2019t find any car antennas to smoke it out of. This could be much fancier\u00a0and well-prepared, but one can make lines of coke ornate, romantic, and worth at least one Michelin star!\u00a0 Some couples make their meals in fancy kitchens with fancy knives, utensils, and cutting boards.\u00a0All one (or a couple, or a unicorn hunter and a unicorn, if you\u2019re into that) needs for a delicious\u00a0powdered breakfast is a desk! As a wise man once sang, \u201cChop your breakfast on a mirror!\u201d I\u00a0haven\u2019t managed to find those eighties razors anywhere, so I just broke the foot off a neighbor\u2019s\u00a0garden gnome and have been using that. I don\u2019t remember doing that, but the gnome’s foot is there,\u00a0so I\u2019m just rolling with it. I also can\u2019t find any small hollow cylinders or dollar bills to inhale\u00a0with, so I\u2019ve just been using a leftover boba straw.\u00a0Maybe someday I will be able to share yay with bae.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1392"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1392"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1392\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2425,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1392\/revisions\/2425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}