<\/p>\n
Dozens of students were sent to the University of Chicago hospital after a heated debate over the holiday season exploded into yet another battle in the global War on Christmas. Twenty-three students suffered serious sword wounds and burns, while another twenty students received at least minor cuts and abrasions.<\/p>\n
A spokesperson for the University of Chicago Police Department provided a statement to the Shady Dealer<\/i>.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cStudents were heard arguing about the designs on Starbucks cups at approximately 1:32 in the morning on the Midway. Loud shouting about ‘erasing Christian values,’ ‘political correctness,’ and ‘separation of church and state’ were reported to police by residents of fraternity houses, who complained that they were being distracted from the serious work of their licentious debauchery. Police were dispatched and found several young men and women furiously swinging broadswords at each other. We are still investigating what caused the incident.\u201d<\/p>\n
We spoke to one student who was injured in the battle, Andrew Mannenheim, as he was walking out of the hospital with Christmas-colored bandages on his arms.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cI was prepared to engage in rational discourse,\u201d said Mannenheim, \u201cbut when I heard someone wish me \u2018Happy Holidays,\u2019 I just couldn\u2019t take it. A patriotic American patriot of patriotism like me shouldn\u2019t have to tolerate this vile idolatry.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
Mannenheim then walked off down the street, caressing his Santa hat lovingly as if it were a manifestation of godly power.<\/p>\n
We spoke to another student involved in the melee, Tricia McMillan, who told us, \u201cI don\u2019t get why this happened at all. I just said that \u2018Christmas didn\u2019t start as a Christian holiday\u2019 and suddenly these people try to pile-drive me? What on earth happened to me?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
Several minutes later, McMilan still didn\u2019t have a coherent explanation, but then again, we don\u2019t either.<\/p>\n
The University administration has not commented on these developments, maintaining a studied silence. However, the Scav committee has offered extra Scav points to anyone who can cause a similar conflict as a result of the Latke-Hamantash debate.\u00a0<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Rahul Gupta Dec. 5, 2018 Dozens of students were sent to the University of Chicago hospital after a heated debate over the holiday season exploded into yet another battle in the global War on Christmas. Twenty-three students suffered serious sword wounds and burns, while another twenty students received at least minor cuts and abrasions. A spokesperson for the University of Chicago Police Department provided a statement to the Shady Dealer.\u00a0 \u201cStudents were heard arguing about the designs on Starbucks cups at approximately 1:32 in the morning on the Midway. Loud shouting about ‘erasing Christian values,’ ‘political correctness,’ and ‘separation of church and state’ were reported to police by residents of fraternity houses, who complained that they were being distracted from the serious work of their licentious debauchery. Police were dispatched and found several young men and women furiously swinging broadswords at each other. We are still investigating what caused the incident.\u201d We spoke to one student who was injured in the battle, Andrew Mannenheim, as he was walking out of the hospital with Christmas-colored bandages on his arms.\u00a0 \u201cI was prepared to engage in rational discourse,\u201d said Mannenheim, \u201cbut when I heard someone wish me \u2018Happy Holidays,\u2019 I just couldn\u2019t take it. A patriotic American patriot of patriotism like me shouldn\u2019t have to tolerate this vile idolatry.\u201d\u00a0 Mannenheim then walked off down the street, caressing his Santa hat lovingly as if it were a manifestation of godly power. We spoke to another student involved in the melee, Tricia McMillan, who told us, \u201cI don\u2019t get why this happened at all. I just said that \u2018Christmas didn\u2019t start as a Christian holiday\u2019 and suddenly these people try to pile-drive me? What on earth happened to me?\u201d\u00a0 Several minutes later, McMilan still didn\u2019t have a coherent explanation, but then again, we don\u2019t either. The University administration has not commented on these developments, maintaining a studied silence. However, the Scav committee has offered extra Scav points to anyone who can cause a similar conflict as a result of the Latke-Hamantash debate.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1389"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1389"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1389\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2422,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1389\/revisions\/2422"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}