![\"](\"https:\/\/shadybucket.s3.amazonaws.com\/images\/52513862_464186450784106_6781489284319805440_.width-1280.png\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0Karl Lagerfeld, legendary Chanel director and force unto himself, passed away today at a very fashionable and critically acclaimed 85.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
A source informed the Dealer<\/i> that Lagerfeld swept up the tunnel to the Pearly Gates in his signature slim suit, ponytail and sunglasses. \u201cI\u2019m not wearing these sunglasses because of the blinding light at the end of this tunnel. I\u2019m wearing them because they look good,\u201d he shouted into the infinite.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cUgh, athleisure,\u201d Lagerfeld remarked to St. Peter, clad in flowing white robes, then handed him an empty Coke Zero can. \u201cDeal with this.\u201d He breezed past the saint and threw the Pearly Gates open, and sauntered into Heaven.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not really sure where he got the Coke Zero,\u201d Saint Peter told us. \u201cWe\u2019re not in the material realm. There\u2019s no food here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
When asked about Lagerfeld\u2019s qualifications to get into Heaven, Saint Peter shrugged. \u201cIt turns out when you look cool as hell you just get into Heaven. Even if you\u2019re an asshole! What can I say \u2014 I don\u2019t make the rules.\u201d \u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Upon entering Heaven, Lagerfeld is reported to have made his way to the palace on high to meet with God concerning his next season. \u201cI\u2019ll stop working when I\u2019m dead,\u201d he announced.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Gabriel (as told to the Dealer) <\/i>reminded Lagerfeld that he is dead. He replied, \u201cWhatever. You\u2019re a bit too chubby for your opinion to matter.\u201d Gabriel also reminded the Dealer <\/i>that as an angel his form is incomprehensible to human eyes.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Lagerfeld was horrified to encounter God wearing grey sweats and a grey crewneck with the word \u201cHEAVEN\u201d printed on the back. The beaming Lord handed Lagerfeld a matching outfit. \u201cWe all wear these up here!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
God explained that Lagerfeld \u201cvisibly gagged\u201d at the sight of the uniform. \u201cIt was quite disheartening,\u201d He said. \u201cI loved Chanel\u2019s 2013 Pre-Fall show, and I was hoping he\u2019d like what I have to offer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve said it before and I\u2019ll say it again,\u201d said Lagerfeld. \u201cSweatpants are a sign of defeat. They\u2019re a sign you\u2019ve lost control of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
The groutfitted God attempted to comfort him: \u201cTechnically you have lost control of your life. And were, in a sense, defeated. Look, Heaven is a place for comfort and rest, where we can all join together in harmony, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, young and old, for eternity.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Lagerfeld was aghast. \u201cI have to spend eternity with ugly people?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Sophia Lubarr Feb. 20, 2019 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Karl Lagerfeld, legendary Chanel director and force unto himself, passed away today at a very fashionable and critically acclaimed 85. \u00a0 A source informed the Dealer that Lagerfeld swept up the tunnel to the Pearly Gates in his signature slim suit, ponytail and sunglasses. \u201cI\u2019m not wearing these sunglasses because of the blinding light at the end of this tunnel. I\u2019m wearing them because they look good,\u201d he shouted into the infinite. \u00a0 \u201cUgh, athleisure,\u201d Lagerfeld remarked to St. Peter, clad in flowing white robes, then handed him an empty Coke Zero can. \u201cDeal with this.\u201d He breezed past the saint and threw the Pearly Gates open, and sauntered into Heaven. \u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not really sure where he got the Coke Zero,\u201d Saint Peter told us. \u201cWe\u2019re not in the material realm. There\u2019s no food here.\u201d \u00a0 When asked about Lagerfeld\u2019s qualifications to get into Heaven, Saint Peter shrugged. \u201cIt turns out when you look cool as hell you just get into Heaven. Even if you\u2019re an asshole! What can I say \u2014 I don\u2019t make the rules.\u201d \u00a0 \u00a0 Upon entering Heaven, Lagerfeld is reported to have made his way to the palace on high to meet with God concerning his next season. \u201cI\u2019ll stop working when I\u2019m dead,\u201d he announced. \u00a0 Gabriel (as told to the Dealer) reminded Lagerfeld that he is dead. He replied, \u201cWhatever. You\u2019re a bit too chubby for your opinion to matter.\u201d Gabriel also reminded the Dealer that as an angel his form is incomprehensible to human eyes. \u00a0 Lagerfeld was horrified to encounter God wearing grey sweats and a grey crewneck with the word \u201cHEAVEN\u201d printed on the back. The beaming Lord handed Lagerfeld a matching outfit. \u201cWe all wear these up here!\u201d \u00a0 God explained that Lagerfeld \u201cvisibly gagged\u201d at the sight of the uniform. \u201cIt was quite disheartening,\u201d He said. \u201cI loved Chanel\u2019s 2013 Pre-Fall show, and I was hoping he\u2019d like what I have to offer.\u201d \u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve said it before and I\u2019ll say it again,\u201d said Lagerfeld. \u201cSweatpants are a sign of defeat. They\u2019re a sign you\u2019ve lost control of your life.\u201d \u00a0 The groutfitted God attempted to comfort him: \u201cTechnically you have lost control of your life. And were, in a sense, defeated. Look, Heaven is a place for comfort and rest, where we can all join together in harmony, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, young and old, for eternity.\u201d \u00a0 Lagerfeld was aghast. \u201cI have to spend eternity with ugly people?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1376"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1376"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1376\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2409,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1376\/revisions\/2409"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1376"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1376"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1376"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}