<\/p>\n
In what could only be described as a \u201cspirited\u201d address to (commie) Vermont Public Radio, Independent Senator Bernie Sanders announced that, after considering it with his wife and grandchildren, taking some blood pressure pills, and yelling at those damn Johnson kids to get off his lawn, he\u2019s decided to launch a \u201cmeasured walk\u201d for the presidency in 2020.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Before his speech, Sanders informed the Dealer<\/i> he chose the public radio station to launch his campaign in order to \u201cConnect to the skateboard riding, boombox carrying youths of the day.\u201d When asked if he knew what century it was, the Senator declined to comment.<\/p>\n
The runner-up in the 2016 Democratic Primary seemingly figured he was still a viable candidate despite his age\u2026 and the fact he couldn\u2019t beat fucking Hillary Clinton two years ago and came to the conclusion he wished to rob broke college students of their 27 dollars and their fragile hopes once again. Near the end of his speech, Sanders called on his supporters to \u201cjoin us once again to bring government back to the people. With just 27 dollars you can build my next vacation ho– I mean a future we can believe in.\u201d<\/p>\n
In a smaller address to his supporters following his speech, Sanders urged for the voting public to ignore his age and called them to have the courage to make a radical change– putting an old white guy in charge.<\/p>\n
Sanders announcement, of course, has been met with animated indifference at his alma mater. Second-year Elizabeth Watrous had this to say about the Senator\u2019s announcement:\u00a0\u201cWhat? Sanders? You mean that dirty neoliberal capitalist? Let\u2019s not forget he got a Poli Sci degree from UChicago. What does that mean? Fucking Model UN That Kid! I\u2019m exclusively supporting Jill Stein until Bernie personally takes me out to coffee, does my SOSC final for me, finds me a date, and passes all of my purity tests!\u201d<\/p>\n
For now, it\u2019s too early to say just how Sanders\u2019s second bid for the presidency will go. It\u2019s yet unclear how the Senator\u2019s busy schedule of bingo and Matlock will allow him to launch such a grand undertaking. Even so, he remains optimistic, telling the Dealer<\/i> \u201cI have a lot of time on my hands now that all my long-time friends have died so I figured why not try one more time before I join \u2018em?\u201d before he was rushed away by his nurses.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By John Buterbaugh Feb. 23, 2019 In what could only be described as a \u201cspirited\u201d address to (commie) Vermont Public Radio, Independent Senator Bernie Sanders announced that, after considering it with his wife and grandchildren, taking some blood pressure pills, and yelling at those damn Johnson kids to get off his lawn, he\u2019s decided to launch a \u201cmeasured walk\u201d for the presidency in 2020. Before his speech, Sanders informed the Dealer he chose the public radio station to launch his campaign in order to \u201cConnect to the skateboard riding, boombox carrying youths of the day.\u201d When asked if he knew what century it was, the Senator declined to comment. The runner-up in the 2016 Democratic Primary seemingly figured he was still a viable candidate despite his age\u2026 and the fact he couldn\u2019t beat fucking Hillary Clinton two years ago and came to the conclusion he wished to rob broke college students of their 27 dollars and their fragile hopes once again. Near the end of his speech, Sanders called on his supporters to \u201cjoin us once again to bring government back to the people. With just 27 dollars you can build my next vacation ho– I mean a future we can believe in.\u201d In a smaller address to his supporters following his speech, Sanders urged for the voting public to ignore his age and called them to have the courage to make a radical change– putting an old white guy in charge. Sanders announcement, of course, has been met with animated indifference at his alma mater. Second-year Elizabeth Watrous had this to say about the Senator\u2019s announcement:\u00a0\u201cWhat? Sanders? You mean that dirty neoliberal capitalist? Let\u2019s not forget he got a Poli Sci degree from UChicago. What does that mean? Fucking Model UN That Kid! I\u2019m exclusively supporting Jill Stein until Bernie personally takes me out to coffee, does my SOSC final for me, finds me a date, and passes all of my purity tests!\u201d For now, it\u2019s too early to say just how Sanders\u2019s second bid for the presidency will go. It\u2019s yet unclear how the Senator\u2019s busy schedule of bingo and Matlock will allow him to launch such a grand undertaking. Even so, he remains optimistic, telling the Dealer \u201cI have a lot of time on my hands now that all my long-time friends have died so I figured why not try one more time before I join \u2018em?\u201d before he was rushed away by his nurses.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1375","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1375"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2408,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375\/revisions\/2408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1375"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1375"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1375"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}