<\/p>\n
This past Sunday, Jeff Bezos\u2019s wife of 25 years, MacKenzie, found something extra when she\u00a0was checking the couple\u2019s order backlog.\u00a0\u201cI was just scrolling through our Amazon orders, wondering if the Upright GO Posture\u00a0Trainer(TM) I\u2019d ordered four weeks ago had come in, and there it was: one alive girl. I\u2019m\u00a0beyond words, horrified. To think the man you love could use Amazon like this. I\u2019ve learned you\u00a0can\u2019t trust anyone, ever, without looking at their full Amazon purchasing history.”<\/p>\n
Jeff had apparently ordered a similar, more updated version of \u201calive girl\u201d after finding himself\u00a0\u201ccompletely bored\u201d with the one he ordered 25 years ago. \u201cThe last one just sat there, nagging\u00a0me about the kids after work. It got to the point where it was just two nagging voices without a\u00a0body between. That\u2019s actually where I got the idea for Alexa from.\u201d<\/p>\n
He added, \u201cThis time I wanted something I could breathe and feel and love with my body, not\u00a0just my soul. I wanted an alive girl.\u201d\u00a0The two models bear an almost uncanny resemblance, to the degree by which one might even\u00a0question if the new alive girl was worth paying $67 billion in return shipping fees\u2014making it the most expensive\u00a0Amazon purchase in the company\u2019s history. However, the newer, refurbished model does come\u00a0with some new features.<\/p>\n
It now has a feature called: \u201cI love you.\u201d This feature purportedly broke on the first model after\u00a0the events of this weekend.\u00a0(And sex, lots of it. Lots of really crazy sex. Sex, anywhere. Yes. Really, anywhere. Like even\u00a0the night of your son\u2019s MIT graduation ceremony.)<\/p>\n
At the time of release, Bezos stood with his now estranged wife MacKenzie, blaming the order\u00a0on Alexa. \u201cI had said \u2018a live grill\u2019! Not girl!! I wanted better steaks I could feel with my techno-fingers and smell, not an affair!”<\/p>\n
\u201cWhile I understand Amazon proprietary has the best voice-recognition quality on the market,\u00a0this clearly points to problems in the overall field. With my remaining $67 billion dollars, I plan\u00a0to invest heavily in voice-recognition services. From now on little technological errors won\u2019t\u00a0ruin the lives of honest, hard-working men like me, leaving even the most deserving and\u00a0powerful with the petty fortunes of small men.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
By Harry Weinstein Jan. 16, 2019 This past Sunday, Jeff Bezos\u2019s wife of 25 years, MacKenzie, found something extra when she\u00a0was checking the couple\u2019s order backlog.\u00a0\u201cI was just scrolling through our Amazon orders, wondering if the Upright GO Posture\u00a0Trainer(TM) I\u2019d ordered four weeks ago had come in, and there it was: one alive girl. I\u2019m\u00a0beyond words, horrified. To think the man you love could use Amazon like this. I\u2019ve learned you\u00a0can\u2019t trust anyone, ever, without looking at their full Amazon purchasing history.” Jeff had apparently ordered a similar, more updated version of \u201calive girl\u201d after finding himself\u00a0\u201ccompletely bored\u201d with the one he ordered 25 years ago. \u201cThe last one just sat there, nagging\u00a0me about the kids after work. It got to the point where it was just two nagging voices without a\u00a0body between. That\u2019s actually where I got the idea for Alexa from.\u201d He added, \u201cThis time I wanted something I could breathe and feel and love with my body, not\u00a0just my soul. I wanted an alive girl.\u201d\u00a0The two models bear an almost uncanny resemblance, to the degree by which one might even\u00a0question if the new alive girl was worth paying $67 billion in return shipping fees\u2014making it the most expensive\u00a0Amazon purchase in the company\u2019s history. However, the newer, refurbished model does come\u00a0with some new features. It now has a feature called: \u201cI love you.\u201d This feature purportedly broke on the first model after\u00a0the events of this weekend.\u00a0(And sex, lots of it. Lots of really crazy sex. Sex, anywhere. Yes. Really, anywhere. Like even\u00a0the night of your son\u2019s MIT graduation ceremony.) At the time of release, Bezos stood with his now estranged wife MacKenzie, blaming the order\u00a0on Alexa. \u201cI had said \u2018a live grill\u2019! Not girl!! I wanted better steaks I could feel with my techno-fingers and smell, not an affair!” \u201cWhile I understand Amazon proprietary has the best voice-recognition quality on the market,\u00a0this clearly points to problems in the overall field. With my remaining $67 billion dollars, I plan\u00a0to invest heavily in voice-recognition services. From now on little technological errors won\u2019t\u00a0ruin the lives of honest, hard-working men like me, leaving even the most deserving and\u00a0powerful with the petty fortunes of small men.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1369","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1369","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1369"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1369\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2402,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1369\/revisions\/2402"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1369"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1369"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1369"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}